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Perhaps you are now facing the somewhat scary prospect of being a father. There may be many questions and concerns swirling around in your head. You were not prepared for the awesome responsibility of being a dad. This wasn't a part of your immediate plans for your future. That's okay. In fact, even those men who father children in planned pregnancies admit that they don't "feel ready" or up to the challenge of being a dad. So take heart! We want to be here to help and encourage you in this important new responsibility in your life however we can. (To contact the center nearest you, click here.)

One of the things we want to provide for you now is some helpful advice on how to be a good father, as well as some biblical wisdom regarding this all-important role in the life of your child. The last piece of information is a list of what the Bible tells us God is like as our heavenly Father, and what he does for us and how he behaves toward us in that supreme role.

Five Ways to Be a Good Father ¹

1. Develop a Soft and Tender Heart

It is important that fathers have soft and tender hearts toward their children. Fathers do need to guide their children in learning right from wrong, but more than anything a child needs to know that he or she is loved.

A soft and tender heart allows a father to feel as his child feels, not just from his own personal viewpoint. It will make a father a person that will draw his children to him. There are times when fathers need to apply tough love, but more often children need to know a soft and tender father.

2. Listen to Your Children

As your children begin to communicate allow them to talk with you. Get down to their level or bring them up to yours and have conversations with them, no matter how simple they may be. Take the time to listen and live in their worlds for a while. It will be a blessing to you and to them, as it will allow them to know that you care. There are certain things they will say to you that will stay with you forever.

3. Affirm Your Children

This means to tell your children you love them and tell them good things about themselves. You also need to touch your children in appropriate ways, because young children that are not cuddled and lovingly touched actually have their development stunted in various areas. The affirming words and touch of a father is of unsurpassed valued to the life and development of a child. Look for ways to pay compliments to them or give them a hug, high five, or pat on the back. Even before they are old enough to understand what you are saying, tell them you love them and that they are wonderful in your eyes.

4. Be Involved in Your Children's Lives/Activities

When children are very young, they are not involved in many activities except family events, but they still need your involvement in their lives. Once they do start to play sports, sing in their school programs, or participate in any activities, be there! It will make all the difference in the world to them. As a father you have the opportunity to give one of the most important gifts to your child—the gift of presence. Your presence with your child, just being there, is worth so much to him or her. This is especially true at those significant moments in their lives such as holidays, games, recitals, plays, etc., but it is also important that you are there with them in the day-to-day events as well.

It is important for children to have times when they receive your undivided attention. Giving them undivided attention does not mean just being in the room while their mother or others are holding them. It means taking time to be there to do feedings, change diapers, rock them to sleep, etc.—investing the time to hold and begin to build a relationship not as a stranger or distant provider, but as a loving and compassionate father.

5. Be Humble and Teachable

It is a good thing to be teachable—open to learning and growth—in every area of our lives. This is especially true when it comes to being a father. Look for other men who are (or have been) good fathers and seek to learn from them.

Humility is the opposite quality of pride and arrogance. A humble man is open to criticism and demonstrates a selfless attitude and servant's heart when dealing with people. As a father, it is vital that you allow the wisdom of others to influence your behavior. Do not be threatened by the input of others who are trying to help you—we need each other in this life. Just because you are a figure of authority in the lives of your children, does not mean you are any less responsible to serve their best interests and seek to do them good.

The following acrostic is a helpful tool for remembering what qualities a father is to express to his children:

• F - Faithful
• A - Affectionate
• T - Tenderhearted
• H - Honorable
• E - Enduring
• R - Ready

Obviously, the mother is an essential ingredient to developing and growing healthy and well-adjusted children. The important thing to remember about being dads and moms is that each plays a unique role in the life of a developing child. They both must seek to contribute to the care, training, and discipline that are needed to raise a child. The difference is in the way these elements are embodied and manifested both in the mom and the dad toward the child.

Because men and women are different they will relate to their children differently. Children need to see and experience the love and caring of both a mom—in a healthy feminine way—and a dad—in a healthy masculine way—to get a well-rounded perspective on life. Both the role of a mom and a dad are equal in importance, and so, essential in the life of a growing and developing child. Neither is greater than the other. They only differ from each other in their function and role. (If the biological parents are unavailable to raise the child for whatever reason, a mother or father-figure involved in the life of the child can perform the same irreplaceable role.)

What Is a Father? ²

God has given us a perfect example of a good father—himself! Through his example and the instructions he has given us in the Bible, he has clearly outlined the role of the father. Let's explore the eight most essential responsibilities of a father.

1. Creator

In Genesis, the first book of the Bible, we read that "In the beginning, God created . . ." (1:1). God created Adam, the first earthly father. When Jesus came to the earth to live as a man, God gave him an earthly father (Joseph) through adoption (Mary had been impregnated by the Holy Spirit and not Joseph when she became pregnant with Jesus). All other human life is created by an earthly father.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. (Genesis 1:1)

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:26-27)

2. Provider

God is our provider in all things. Our earthly father is also meant to be our provider. Even though the mother may contribute to meeting the family's financial needs, the ultimate responsibility for provision falls on the father.

I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread. (Psalm 37:25)

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:11)

3. Protector

God is our security and so it is meant to be with our fathers. There is a great sense of security when daddy is in the house. Children desperately need to feel that good and protective heart of a father or grandfather.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

4. Discipliner

Children need and desire proper discipline in order to become healthy, productive members of society. Just as God helps his children learn how to make good decisions, our earthly fathers need to teach their children.

My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:11-12)

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

5. Life Example

The father is meant to impact and impress upon his children the place of honor and authority, both in the home and in society.

The father should bring respect into the home. The more respectful a father is, the more respectful the child generally will be. The way the father handles authority is often the way the child will handle authority.

Therefore you shall keep his statutes and his commandments, which I command you today, that it may go well with you and with your children after you, and that you may prolong your days in the land that the LORD your God is giving you for all time." (Deuteronomy 4:40)

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12)

6. Teacher about God

Just as God teaches us about himself in the Bible and through Jesus, earthly fathers are meant to teach their children about God and to give their children an example of God the Father.

O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. (Psalm 71:17)

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

7. Giver of Blessings

If you study the Old Testament, you will find the father giving a blessing at special times to his children. Moments such as the child's wedding or the father's death are opportunities to speak words that will stick with children for the rest of their lives. (Genesis chapters 48-49 record the blessing that Jacob gave to each of his twelve sons shortly before his death.)

8. Provider of Inheritance

The heritage a father leaves is through his character, values, principles, and wisdom. The inheritance is what he leaves through money or material goods. He demonstrates how God provided for future generations through material goods.

The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. (Romans 8:16-17)

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous. (Proverbs 13:22)

God as Father: How the Bible Describes God as Father to His Children

I. In determining what the Father is like toward his children, we should also look at the life, works, and character of Jesus, because he said, "If you have seen me, you have seen the father" (John 14:8-9; compare Hebrews 1:3; Colossians 1:15; John 1:1-3). :

II. What the Father does for his children:

¹ Adapted from "Five Ways to Be a Good Father" (Lancaster, PA: Loving & Caring, © 2001).

² Adapted from "What Is a Father?" (Lancaster, PA: Loving & Caring, © 2001; revised 2005).