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There can be no argument over the best, most healthy, and most consistently effective form of birth control and prevention against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) in our day. In fact, astoundingly, this method costs no money and has proven itself 100 percent successful to all those wise and happy people who have tried it. Want to know what it is? Abstinence. That's right, if you hadn't guessed it, it's abstinence.

Abstinence in this context means refraining from all sexual activity. Sexual activity is defined as sexual intercourse (or sex), as well as other actions intended to result in sexual arousal or gratification. Thus, sexual activity includes penile-vaginal, anal, and oral sex, but would also include things like masturbation, fondling another's genitals, the use of sex toys, and the viewing of pornography.

"I can't go back and change the past. I wish I had waited."

Every time you have sex, regardless of whether it's your first time or not, you are placing yourself in a dangerous situation that could change your life forever. That is why one study reported that over half of all teens that had sex at least once reported that they wish they had waited.

The only truly "safe sex" is to save sex until you are in the committed, lifelong relationship of marriage. There are at least six compelling reasons to wait until marriage before engaging in sexual activity. They are: (1) the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, (2) the risk of unplanned pregnancy, (3) condoms are an unreliable protection against disease and pregnancy, (4) sex is powerfully bonding, (5) sex outside of marriage is damaging to relationships, (6) the many significant rewards offered to those who wait. (To look at each of these reasons to wait in more detail, click here.)

Abstinence is just simply the healthiest behavior for unmarried individuals. It is not only the logic of the previous six reasons to wait that proves this, but also the following facts:

• Abstinence from sexual activity is the only certain way to avoid out-of-wedlock pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and other associated health problems.
• Sexual activity outside of the context of marriage is likely to have harmful psychological and physical effects.
• Bearing children out of wedlock is likely to have harmful consequences for the child, the child's parents, and society.

Health Risks to Teens Who Become Sexually Active

In addition, many health risks ¹ to sexually active teenagers have been identified:

• Increased teen pregnancies, abortions, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) that can lead to infertility, genital cancers, even death. (Center for Disease Control, 2004)
• Teens who have abortions experience elevated rates of suicide, depression, substance abuse, anxiety, and other mental health problems. ("The Duty to Screen: Clinical, Legal and Ethical Implications of Predictive Risk Factors of Post-Abortive Maladjustment," The Journal of Contemporary Health and Law and Policy [Winter, 2003], 33-144)
• Sexually active females are three times more likely and males are eight times more likely to attempt suicide. Suicide rates have doubled in 40 years. ("Sexually Active Teenagers Are More Likely to Be Depressed and to Attempt Suicide," Robert Rector, Kirk Johnson, Ph.D., Lauren Noves, June 2, 2003)
• Sexually active girls are depressed all, most, or a lot of the time and have three times greater depression rates than abstinent girls. (Rector, Johnson, Noves, "Sexually Active Teenagers")
• Sexually active boys are twice as likely to be depressed as abstinent boys. (Rector, Johnson, Noves, "Sexually Active Teenagers")
• Sexually active females are five times more likely to be victimized by dating violence than girls who are abstinent. (www.webmd.com, 8/2/04; Pediatrics, 8/04)
• Sexually active teens are much more likely to take drugs and drink alcohol. (Columbia University National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, 2004)

Benefits of Abstinence Education

Furthermore, the points that follow ² are compelling evidence for the overall benefits to society of abstinence education:

• $6.9 billion is the annual cost savings to taxpayers since abstinence education has been funded for teenagers nationwide.
• $4,080 is the annual cost of a child born to a mother 17 years old or younger.
• Since 1991, when federal abstinence funding began, there has been a 43% decrease in teen births to 15-17 year olds, despite a 25% increase in that age population.
• Only 40% of teen mothers graduate from high school and only 2% complete college by age 30.
• Sons born to adolescent mothers are 2.2 times more likely to become incarcerated.

The Centers for Disease Control attribute 67 percent of teen birth reductions to fewer teens being sexually active (that is, remaining abstinent).

Not All Teens Are "Doing It"

Some teens fear that if they are not having sex by the end of their high school years then they are the only ones. The popular lie goes, "If you are still a virgin, then something must be wrong with you." However, the opposite is true. Teens presently abstaining from sexual activity may be representing the majority of teenagers, not an isolated and dysfunctional minority. In dispelling the popular myth that all teens "are doing it," one which many "safe sex" campaigns promote as justification for widespread distribution of condoms to students, an important report has now documented the truth that more than half of all high school students have never engaged in sexual activity, and nearly four in 10 teens will graduate from high school as virgins. In fact, only about 33 percent are sexually active ongoing. An April 27, 2000, news release from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy was honest enough to publish these survey results: "Nearly six of 10 teens do not think that it is acceptable for high school-age teens to be sexually active even if they take precautions to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. . . . More than 93 percent of teens also think it is important for teens to be given a strong message from society that they should abstain from sex until they are at least out of high school." ("The Cautious Generation?" Released by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, April 27, 2000.) ³

Present Abstinence = Greater Future Pleasure

Other studies have been conducted that are showing the long-term benefits of abstaining from sexual activity while single:

One of the most comprehensive studies ever done about sex, The Social Organization of Sexuality, shows that 87.4 percent of people who are married and whose sexual relationship had been exclusive to their marriage partner find physical pleasure in their sexual relationship with their spouse. Only 61.2 percent of people who had more than one sexual partner said they had physical pleasure in their relationship with their spouse. (Edward O. Laumann, Robert T. Michael and Gina Kolata [Boston: Little, Brown, and Company, 1994], p. 364.)

Regarding emotional satisfaction in their relationships, the figures were 84.8 percent for those with an exclusive relationship compared to just 56.7 percent for those who had had more than one partner. A University of Massachusetts study concluded: "One of the most consistent observations in health research is that the married enjoy better health than those of other [relational] statuses." (Catherine K. Riessman and Naomi Gerstel, "Marriage Dissolution and Health: Do Males or Females Have Greater Risk?" Social Science and Medicine 20 (1985): p. 627-635.) ⁴

The Surpassing Rewards of Abstinence

It's worth reviewing at this point some of the many significant rewards of choosing to remain abstinent until marriage. Sex was created by God as a gift to married couples, and as such it brings tremendous pleasure, the amazing opportunity to bring forth children into the world, and an intimate bond of "oneness" to the couple. It is truly a gift worth waiting for.

• It's risk free and costs nothing
• Sex is worth waiting for
• You are worth waiting for
• Your future spouse is worth waiting for
• AIDS doesn't discriminate—anyone can become infected
• STIs are increasing, and many have no symptoms and no cure
• Condoms are an unreliable prevention against STIs and pregnancy
• It increases self-respect
• Virginity is a beautiful gift to be given, not an embarrassing label to be lost
• It encourages commitment and faithfulness
• Your future spouse will thank you
• Self-control is always more effective than birth control at avoiding pregnancy
• Babies need a lot more than love than most people are ready to give
• Character counts as the measure of your reputation
• It offers no risks for the present and no regrets for the future
• What you decide today determines what life will be like for you tomorrow
• The only "safe sex" is to save sex for marriage
• God offers his blessing and help to those who save sex for marriage

Secondary Virginity

Maybe you've already had sex and so you feel abstinence is something that doesn't apply to you. One of the greatest lies circulating today goes like this, "Since I've already had sex, it doesn't matter what I do anymore." Nothing could be further from the truth. For the more sex you have the greater risk you run of catching an STI or getting pregnant, and the more bondedness and memories you create with another that when broken will leave enduring scars on your heart and mind.

Many, many people who have had sex previously and then have come to see the wisdom and blessing in saving sex for marriage have entered a period of "secondary virginity" in their lives. That is, they have committed to abstaining from sexual activity from this point in their lives forward. Many have developed plans to avoid the temptation of lust and premarital sex and have gathered supportive people around them to help them fulfill their goals for a healthy and happy future. Even though we have all made mistakes in the past, those mistakes do not have to define our present or determine our future. We are still in control of the choices we make today, choices which will shape our lives in the future. (To find out more about "secondary virginity," click here.)

We would encourage you to commit to remaining abstinent-until-marriage and to write out a plan that will help you fulfill your goal. We would further encourage you to sign a pledge of commitment as evidence of your positive decision to save sex for marriage.

We have a pledge certificate we have drafted for just such a purpose, and we would love to make it available to you. You can print as many as you would like for your own use or to give to others by clicking here. Certificate to be provided by client in PDF form.

Virginity Pledges Improve Life Outcomes for Teens

Interestingly, studies reveal that teenagers who pledged to remain abstinent until marriage showed the following statistics ⁵:

• They were 2/3 less likely to experience teen pregnancy.
• 70% were still virgins by age 18 compared to only 37% of non-pledgers.
• They were 1/3 less likely to give birth as teens or young adults.
• They were 50% less likely to give birth out of wedlock.
• 17% of pledgers had unprotected sex compared to 28% of non-pledgers.
• 53% of pledgers had sexual intercourse between ages 19-25 compared with 87% of non-pledgers.
• Pledgers were 12 times more likely to be virgins on their wedding night.
• There were no negative risk factors associated with virginity pledges.

Conclusion

We end where we began: The best, most healthy, and most consistently effective form of birth control and prevention against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) in our day is still abstinence. This free and 100 percent successful method has kept many wise people happy and healthy through singleness. Your life is just too precious to waste. With nothing to lose and everything to gain, isn't it time you gave abstinence a try?

¹ Taken from "Compelling Evidence for Abstinence Education," a report produced by Pam Mullarkey, Ph.D. Founder Project SOS, Inc. (Strengthening Our Students). Adapted from "By the Numbers: The Public Costs of Teen Childbearing," The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2006.

² Adapted from "By the Numbers: The Public Costs of Teen Childbearing," The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2006.

³ Adapted from Take Twelve: The Truth Behind 12 of the Most Common Arguments Made by Powerful "Safe-sex" Organizations against the Abstinence-until-marriage Message (© 2001, 2004 Focus on the Family), 7.

⁴ Found in Take Twelve, 24.

⁵ "National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Healthy," 2004. Research performed by Robert Rector and Kirk Johnson, Heritage Foundation.