Safe Sex vs. Save Sex
"I can't go back and change the past. I wish I had waited."
Every time you have sex, regardless of whether it's your first time or not, you are placing yourself in a dangerous situation that could change your life forever. That is why one study reported that over half of all teens that had sex at least once reported that they wish they had waited.
The only truly "safe sex" is to save sex until you are in a committed, lifelong relationship such as marriage. Some of the more obvious dangers of having sex outside of marriage are the very real risks of getting pregnant or catching a life-threatening sexually transmitted infection (STI). However, there are at least four other compelling reasons to wait until marriage before engaging in sexual activity. They are: (1) condoms are an unreliable protection against disease and pregnancy, (2) sex is powerfully bonding, (3) sex outside of marriage is damaging to relationships, (4) the many significant rewards offered to those who wait. (To read about each of these reasons in detail, click here.)
So there are other good reasons to save sex for marriage other than just the risks involved physically. These have to do with your feelings and memories, with your heart and mind. Because sex is a powerful act that creates a strong and intimate bond between two people that was never intended to be broken, when it is separated from commitment and faithfulness (like marriage provide) serious damage results. The intimate bond of unity created by sex is so strong that to break it always causes tearing and ripping in you and your partner's heart.
But let's return to the physical risks for a moment. People commonly say that using a condom makes sex safe, but is this really true? Are condoms really an unreliable protections against disease and pregnancy? The unexpected answer is, "Yes, absolutely." All of the research coming from the medical community shows that the risks (while reduced) still remain for those who have 'protected' sex. (To read more about condom use and the risks attached to it, click here.)
The truth is, even if you use a condom every time you have sex, you're still at risk of becoming pregnant or getting a STI. It is alarming to consider that, especially given the widespread distribution of condoms and the pervasive education regarding condom use in the U.S., there are still over 70 million people suffering the destructive consequences of STIs today (with 20 million more added to that number each year, almost half of whom are teenagers).
What we are not typically told is that condoms have the highest pregnancy rate among the most common methods of birth control. But they do. Typical use results in 15 out of 100 users getting pregnant each year. And teens have a higher failure rate than adults.
About three out of every 20 couples using condoms to avoid pregnancy end up pregnant anyway within the first year of use.
Sexually transmitted infections (all STDs are STIs) are a serious matter. Sexually transmitted infections are spread through vaginal, anal, and oral sex. You can have an STI and never know, and pass it on to others too. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has reported that now 85 percent of the most prevalent infectious diseases in the United States are sexually transmitted. The rate of STIs in this country is 50 to 100 times higher than that of any other industrialized nation. One in four sexually active Americans (possibly more) will be affected by an STI at some time in his or her life.
The only truly "safe sex" out there is sex between married couples that are faithful to each other for life. If you're single, then the only safe sex is no sex. Abstinence is not engaging in sexual contact (vaginal, anal, oral, or any other genital contact whatsoever) with another person. If you are not practicing abstinence while single, then you are making yourself vulnerable to potentially deadly diseases and pregnancy. Condoms simply cannot provide complete protection against STIs or unplanned pregnancies. Having anything other than married, monogamous sex-even with a condom-is like playing Russian roulette with your life. You are choosing to put a bullet in the gun and hold it up to your head. All you can hope for is that it doesn't fire, this time. But there are no guarantees.
Choosing to save sex for the special person you will end up spending the rest of your life with is the only way to truly enjoy the gift of sex without the risk of getting a life-threatening STI or causing an unplanned pregnancy. This will also increase your likelihood of having a healthy relationship. This is your life we are talking about here. We want you to make it a good one.
If you don't take control of and responsibility for your sexual life, who will?
Secondary Virginity
Maybe you've already had sex and so you feel abstinence is something that doesn't apply to you. One of the greatest lies circulating today goes like this, "Since I've already had sex, it doesn't matter what I do anymore." Nothing could be further from the truth. For the more sex you have the greater risk you run of catching a STI or getting pregnant, and the more bondedness and memories you create with another that when broken will leave enduring scars on your heart and mind.
Many, many people who have had sex previously and then have come to see the wisdom and blessing in saving sex for marriage have entered a period of "secondary virginity" in their lives. That is, they have committed to abstaining from sexual activity from this point in their lives forward. Many have developed plans to avoid the temptation of lust and premarital sex and have gathered supportive people around them to help them fulfill their goals for a healthy and happy future. Even though we have all made mistakes in the past, those mistakes do not have to define our present or determine our future. We are still in control of the choices we make today, choices which will shape our lives in the future. (To find out more about "secondary virginity," click here.)
We would encourage you to commit to remaining abstinent-until-marriage and to write out a plan that will help you fulfill your goal. We would further encourage you to sign a pledge of commitment as evidence of your positive decision to save sex for marriage.
We have a pledge we have drafted for just such a purpose, and we would love to make it available to you. You can print as many as you would like for your own use or to give to others by clicking here.
The Surpassing Rewards of Abstinence
Finally, we want you to consider the many and significant rewards of choosing to remain abstinent until marriage. Sex was created by God as a gift to married couples, and as such it brings tremendous pleasure, the amazing opportunity to bring forth children into the world, and an intimate bond of "oneness" to the couple. It is truly a gift worth waiting for. Some of the many rewards of abstinence are:
- It's risk free and costs nothing
- Sex is worth waiting for
- You are worth waiting for
- Your future spouse is worth waiting for
- AIDS doesn't discriminate-anyone can become infected
- STIs are increasing, and many have no symptoms and no cure
- Condoms are an unreliable prevention against STIs and pregnancy
- It increases self-respect
- Virginity is a beautiful gift to be given, not an embarrassing label to be lost
- It encourages commitment and faithfulness
- Your future spouse will thank you
- Self-control is more effective than birth control at avoiding pregnancy
- Babies need a lot more than love than most people are ready to give
- Character counts as the measure of your reputation
- It offers no risks for the present and no regrets for the future
- What you decide today determines what life will be like for you tomorrow
- God offers his blessing and help to those who save sex for marriage
The only truly "safe sex" is to save sex for marriage!