crisis pregnancy centers

"Abortion is not some magical surgery which turns back time to make a woman 'unpregnant.' Instead, it is a real-life event which is always very stressful and often traumatic."
(Dr. David Reardon)

Restoring a New Beginning

If you are reading this now it is probably because you or someone you know is hurting. Far more common and difficult to heal are the scars left by abortion on the inside. You may be holding in strong emotions that keep erupting to the surface or be carrying around a general and vague numbness inside. Whatever you are going through, it may be of comfort to you to know that there is actually a name for what you are experiencing. Post-Abortion Stress/Trauma (PAS/T) is a recognized condition which results from the unresolved psychological, physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of a past abortion. You may begin to see some of the effects of your trauma as you struggle to work through conflicting thoughts and feelings regarding your past abortion. (For information about the effects of Post-Abortion Stress in men, click here.)

You cannot help but be changed by what has happened to you and your unborn child. While some women begin to feel the emotional consequences of their abortion immediately, others may not be aware of any lingering internal disturbances until five, 10, 25 years later. But as one woman has said: "Once I laid on that table, I was never the same again!" Please contact our post-abortion counselor Susan Little by clicking here.

Symptoms of PAS/T

Symptoms of PAS/T do not always appear together nor will each woman experience every one of them. Nonetheless, if you find that you are experiencing five to seven of the following emotions following your abortion, you might consider seeking help for PAS/T. (Again, remember that these symptoms may not surface until many years after the procedure.)

A listing of the most common feelings and emotional symptoms of PAS/T are given here (in alphabetical order):

• alienation
• anger/rage
• anguish
• anxiety
• betrayal
• bitterness
• confusion
• degradation
• depression
• despair
• distrust
• exploitation
• fears about losing a child, God's punishment, another pregnancy, inferiority, infertility, or failure
• flashbacks, nightmares, or sleep disorders
• frustration
• grief
• guilt
• helplessness
• hopelessness
• horror
• isolation
• loneliness
• lowered self-esteem
• numbness
• panic
• preoccupation with anniversary date or due date
• regret
• rejection
• remorse
• resentment
• self-condemnation
• self-hatred
• shame
• sorrow
• unable to forgive self
• uncontrollable crying
• unworthiness

Along with these predominantly emotional symptoms, researchers have also noted behavioral changes that women report in their daily lives. They include (also in alphabetical order):

• abusive behavior
• alcohol and/or drug use
• avoidance of baby reminders (like baby showers, baby stores, etc.)
• changes to relationship/marriage (70% of relationships/marriages break up within 1 year of an abortion, 90% within 5 years)
• control issues
• crying spells
• desire for atonement/replacement child
• difficulty in all types of intimacy
• division of time into "before" and "after" the abortion
• eating disorders
• failure to bond with subsequent children
• loss of interest in sex
• loss of normal sources of pleasure
• marital stress
• need for financial success
• over-protective of living children
• promiscuity or sexual frigidity
• reduced motivation
• secretive behavior
• self-punishing and/or self-degrading behavior
• sexual dysfunction
• sleep disturbances
• strained relationship with living children
• suicidal impulses
• toleration of abusive relationships
• withdrawal

At least two additional physical complications can occur following an abortion:

• Breast Cancer—There are some studies that point to a possible link between abortion and the risk of developing breast cancer but none of them are conclusive or have proven that there is absolutely any link between the two. According to the Coalition on Abortion/Breast Cancer (www.abortionbreastcancer.com), as of 2006, eight medical organizations recognize that abortion raises a woman's risk for breast cancer.
• Ectopic Pregnancy—There is evidence that abortion increases the risk of ectopic pregnancies (the implantation and subsequent development of a fertilized egg outside the uterus, as in a fallopian tube). About one in every 200 pregnancies is ectopic, and most are discovered in the first few months. This type of pregnancy is life-threatening to the mother.

Again, not all people will have identical experiences or reactions to the trauma of a past abortion. Some women do well by talking to family members or friends and by proactively taking care of themselves. Others need special attention in the form of post-abortion recovery counseling. The most important thing is to recognize what your specific needs are and then take positive steps toward meeting them.

The friendly and knowledgeable staff at any of our centers would be more than happy to spend whatever time is necessary with you processing your experience. We would also be happy to provide you with any number of resources to help you through this difficult season. Do not hesitate to contact us now. (To contact the center nearest you, click here.)

In the mean time, please read the following information that may be helpful to you or someone else who has experienced any type of abortion-related trauma.

Ten Steps toward Healing:

The following steps should be seen more as helpful advice than as a strict program to follow. It is important to realize up front that every woman's healing journey is unique and may include any number of steps in a variety of orders. Therefore feel free to personalize or adapt each one of the following suggestions to your specific situation and needs.

1. Time and effort. Realize at the outset that full healing from your past wounds requires both time and effort. This will require patience and courage. But do not be afraid or discouraged. Instead, surround yourself right now with a few trusted friends or counselors that can serve as a support to you in the weeks and months ahead.
2. Begin again. Particularly with the case of abortion, and for reasons that will become clearer to you later, the grieving process is usually cut off in some way and so never entirely experienced. Therefore you must actively and courageously choose to begin the mourning process again in order not to short-circuit your emotions a second time.
3. Grieve. Realize that feelings of loss and grief following the death of a loved one are not only normal and expected, but healthy. Mourning takes time, and you should not allow yourself or anyone else to rush you through this process. Especially in the case of an aborted child, the grieving process is shut down prematurely typically due to either denial or feelings of guilt. Therefore be patient with yourself and do not be discouraged if it appears that during this stage you are moving backwards instead of forwards. Part of grieving is moving backward into the past and experiencing again your loss; so just let it be what it is.

f

To help you, here is an example of the different stages of the grieving process relevant to abortion:


• Relief (that abortion is over)
• Denial and Rationalization (of guilt feelings tied to abortion)
• Realization and Shock (regarding the truth and consequences of the decision you made)
• Anger and Depression (over the full consequences of the abortion)
• Acceptance and Surrender (resulting from proper perspective and experience of forgiveness)
• Hope and Substitution (resulting from God's grace and Jesus' sacrifice).
4. Acceptance. Accept your grief for what it is—a normal and natural response to personal loss rather than something which must be hidden or ignored. Do not be ashamed of your regret, shame, or guilt. Instead listen to what they are saying to you. Do not give into a frenzied search for answers; instead, just sit with your questions. Remember, time is on your side. There is no deadline you have to meet. Find encouragement in the fact that the pain of your loss will begin to fade as your healing progresses.
5. Community. Realize that you are one of many, many others who have been through the same experience and are grieving the same loss as you. Allow the experiences and understanding of other women who have faced a similar darkness help you. Locating a skilled and wise post-abortion counselor or friendly support group may be very helpful to you.
6. Confession. Confess your personal responsibility in the decision to have an abortion. Acknowledge to yourself and to God that it wasn't merely a bad, immature, or misguided decision to obtain an abortion—it was a sin. That is, it was wrong and carried irreversible consequences. But simultaneously realize that others, also, were involved. It was probably not a decision you made alone. This will help you both take responsibility for your actions and avoid self-condemnation as you recognize the involvement of others in that decision. But don't let confession end here, move to the next step—forgiveness.
7. Ask God for forgiveness. We would further encourage you to ask God for his forgiveness of your sin. We can only do this because Jesus Christ, God's unique Son, invites us to. Jesus says that "God showed his love for the world by sending his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him" (John 3:16-17). Thus Jesus said it is God's desire not to condemn you for your sins but save you from his judgment and punishment of them. Therefore the Bible also says that "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us," but "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:8-9). Agreeing with God that we have sinned (confession) is a necessary step to receiving from him his cleansing forgiveness, which is only available because of Jesus coming and dying for sinners like us on the cross.
8. Forgive yourself. The mourning process eventually must come to an end. You must not rush through it, but God does not want you to suffer the remainder of your life in a mournful state. You will never move on if you cannot accept forgiveness from God through Christ for the sin you have confessed to him and asked his forgiveness of.
9. Forgive others. Realize that like yourself, others involved in this experience may have made choices motivated by ignorance, fear, or just plain selfishness. Because God has forgiven us in Christ, we can in turn forgive other also. If possible, communicate to them your forgiveness.
10. Release. Give your aborted children over to the care of God, their heavenly Father, and the true Father of all of us. Know that God takes care of all that he has made, paying special attention to the weak, defenseless, and disadvantaged. Do not try to hold onto them by prolonging your grief; entrust them into the hands of their loving and merciful Creator.

There are finally some practical things related to your lifestyle that will help you heal as you apply the above steps. In list form, they are:

• Feeling safe in your relationships
• Having a support system (family, friends, a counselor, co-workers)
• Keeping a daily routine
• Drawing encouragement from others
• Staying active
• Regular exercise
• Focusing on positive things in life
• Eating at least one hot meal a day
• Reducing caffeine and sugar intake
• Limiting alcohol consumption
• Drinking plenty of water
• Napping for short periods during the day
• Sleeping for at least seven to eight hours a night