crisis pregnancy centers

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6)

Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
(Proverbs 1:8-9)

In her report, The Age of Unwed Mothers: Is Teen Pregnancy the Problem? Maggie Gallagher wrote,

The teen pregnancy problem in our society is inseparable from a much larger marriage problem. Changing adult ideas about marriage and its relationship to procreation have directly guided the cluster of trends in teen behavior—including rising rates of unmarried sex, weak motivation to use contraceptives, rising ages at marriage, and sharp declines in both legitimation and adoption—that we currently describe, somewhat misleadingly, as our crisis of teen pregnancy. . . .

Why should a teenager postpone having a baby? What our society as a whole, and especially our "teen pregnancy" rhetoric, currently tells these young people—until you reach age 20, having a baby is a huge mistake, as is getting married, but after that, it's up to you—is not likely to capture their moral imagination. Does it capture yours? ¹

Notice she reports that "changing adult ideas" about sex and marriage "have directly guided the cluster of trends in teen behavior—including rising rates of unmarried sex." If that is the negative, then the positive is also true. Study after study has repeatedly shown that when parents get tangibly involved in the lives of their children, their ability to avoid many risky behaviors, including premarital sex, is greatly increased. A report by James Jaccard, Patricia J. Dittus, and Vivian V. Gordon published in Family Planning Perspectives documented a number of studies that showed a clear correlation between a child's relationship with his or her parents and the child's sexual involvement. The report stated, [A]s adolescents' perceptions of mothers' emphasis on abstinence increased, the likelihood that the adolescent had engaged in intercourse decreased. In contrast, as reported discussions about birth control increased, the likelihood that the adolescent had initiated intercourse also increased. (Jaccard, et al., "Maternal Correlates of Adolescent Sexual and Contraceptive Behavior," Family Planning Perspectives, Vol. 28, No. 4, July/August 1996, p. 162)

Many parents, however, do not realize the extent and power of the influence their attitudes and words about sexual behavior have on their kids. (One of the most important discussions that you as a parent can have with your child, therefore, is about sex and his or her sexuality. To view very helpful advice on how to talk to your kids about sex and sexuality, click here.)

So how can parents be sure their values and expectations will be transferred to their children? One respected report answers that question this way:

The answer lies in believing that YOU, the parent, are the EXPERT! YOU know your child better than anyone else does, and that includes the many "experts" who claim to know what's best for your child. Parents today are made to feel that unless an "expert" has validated their style of parenting and education it is useless. Nonsense! You, the parent, brought your child into the world, and no school administrator, government worker or child "advocate" can ever love or care for your child the way you do. Therefore, it is essential that parents take control of their children's sex education, rather than leaving it completely in the hands of the school. ²

This report goes on to list several ways to help educate your children as well as your community about the healthy aspects of remaining abstinent until marriage and character education. (For more information about abstinence, click here.) As a help, we have reproduced part of that list³ here:

Protect your child's innocence. Your child's age as well as his/her personality determines how much sex education should be addressed. It is important to protect children during the innocence and latency period (ages 1 to 12). For children at ages 11 to 12, parents should teach concepts that deal with character education, relationship education and simple biological/reproductive concepts. Some schools are tackling sex education at the elementary school level with mixed classes that often break down the natural modesty between boys and girls. Combining boys and girls in classes that have explicit and age-inappropriate material is a recipe for disaster. If your school conducts sex education with mixed classes for children at these ages it would be better to opt-out of the class and educate your child on your own or with a group of like-minded parents.

Be involved in your children's learning and decision-making. The media and the culture regularly send children messages about sex. Alert parents can listen for these messages and turn them into teachable moments in which they can discuss with their children the need for morally responsible sexual behavior.

Be clear about your message and don't be afraid to make known your disapproval of premarital sex. Research has shown that children whose parents clearly express their disapproval of contraception and premarital sex are more likely to delay sexual activity than are children whose parents do not express such disapproval. Research also has shown that students who have taken a pledge of virginity are far less likely to engage in premarital sex than those who have not taken a pledge. According to "Protecting Adolescents From Harm," a study in the September 10, 1997, Journal of the American Medical Association, "[a]dolescents who reported having taken a pledge to remain a virgin were at significant lower risk of early age of sexual debut." There is currently no research showing that pledging to use condoms works at all.

Volunteer to be on the school sex-education committee. This is not an easy task! It is important to know what curriculum your school is committing its values to and how that curriculum will impact your community's children. Parents should also get information concerning the videos, speakers and presentations their children will see during any sex-education curriculum.

In some schools, sex-education committees are stacked with special-interest groups, rather than parents. The result is that parents sometimes feel out-maneuvered, with the special-interest groups pushing their agenda on the community. Reversing such agendas will require persistence in getting concerned parents to rally to this cause.

Another option is "Choice in Sex Ed." This alternative, which allows parents the option of choosing the type of philosophical message they want their children to receive (abstinence or "safer sex"), has worked well in some communities.

Volunteer to help your schools find speakers and materials that support the abstinence-until-marriage message. There are a number of ways to support the healthiest message for teens by donating your time, money and energy to getting good speakers and materials into your children's schools.

For instance, during a two-day period in Chicago, more than 12,000 students were released from school to participate in an abstinence-until-marriage rally. The rally included speakers, singers, skits and a variety of abstinence messages that students could relate to.

Talk to your school board members about a school policy that will uphold abstinence-until-marriage as the best health message for youth, making it the focal point of any sex-education course.

Finally, ask your neighbors what they want their schools and community to be like in 10 years. Abstinence education is really about healthy relationship education. Do people in your community want students to have healthy relationships directed toward a lifelong, healthy marriage, or do they want them to be experts at condom use? Does your community want to invest in the long-term or short-term? These are questions that need to be addressed at every level of community involvement.

¹ This report comes from the Marriage Project of the Institute for American Values. Maggie Gallagher, the principal investigator, is an affiliate scholar at the Institute and the director of its Marriage Project. © 1999, Institute for American Values, p. 2. All rights reserved. Accessed on-line January 30, 2007 at http://www.americanvalues.org/Teen.PDF.

² Take Twelve: The Truth Behind 12 of the Most Common Arguments Made by Powerful "Safe-sex" Organizations against the Abstinence-until-marriage Message (© 2001, 2004 Focus on the Family), 33. Accessed on-line January 30, 2007 at http://citizenlink.org/pdfs/fosi/abstinence/take_12.pdf. The following has been adapted from Take Twelve, 34-35, accessed on-line January 30, 2007 at http://citizenlink.org/pdfs/fosi/abstinence/take_12.pdf.

³ The following has been adapted from Take Twelve, 34-35, accessed on-line January 30, 2007 at http://citizenlink.org/pdfs/fosi/abstinence/take_12.pdf.