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Talking about Sex and Sexuality to Your Adolescent 1

Preparing for Puberty

As your child approaches puberty, you are going to have to shift gears from talking about sex in general to more specific briefings on his or her own sexuality. Whether you make this a specific discussion or include it as part of a more extensive explanation of what lies ahead during the adolescent years, you will want your child to be ready for the physical changes that are about to take place.

Girls need to know about breast development, new hair growth and the reproductive cycle. The first menstrual period should be viewed in a positive light, as a passage into adulthood rather than a burden or a "curse of women." Some parents honor the occasion by taking their daughter to dinner at a nice restaurant or presenting a special gift. This event is usually the final stage of pubertal development.

Similarly, boys should be aware that changes are on the horizon, such as deepening of the voice, enlargement of the genitals and new hair growth. They should also know about the likelihood that they will have an unexpected emission of seminal fluid during the night (the "wet dream"), and that this is not a sign of disease or moral failure.

Parents will need to discuss with their child the increasing interest in the opposite sex. The boy or girl will also need to be prepared to deal with attention from the opposite sex if and when it occurs. This is an important time to review specific guidelines, and perhaps a little street wisdom, about relationships and physical contact. While reinforcing the importance of saving sex for marriage, what will you say about other kinds of affectionate touching?

Your preadolescent child will most likely wonder if you're going overboard in broaching this subject. "Dad, I'm not going to jump into bed with people, okay? What's the big deal?" But he or she must understand that we are all designed in such a way that physical contact, once started, naturally progresses to increasing intimacy.

Indeed, sex is like a car that begins rolling down a hill. At first the hill is nearly flat, but then it becomes progressively steeper. The farther you go, the harder it is to stop. That in itself isn't bad or wrong but simply the way we're made.

Since the right time to have sex will be some years away [after marriage], it will be important to make sure that the car doesn't roll very far before the wedding night. This means that your child will want to have a clear idea what his or her boundaries are and how to maintain them effectively, well before the first socializing with the opposite sex begins.



1 Adapted from the booklet, Talking About Sex and Sexuality to Your Adolescent (Copyright © 2000 Focus on Your Family), itself an excerpt from The Complete Book of Baby & Child Care (Copyright © 1997 Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved). Accessed on-line January 30, 2007 at http://www.focusonyourchild.com/develop/art1/A0000982.html.

© Copyright 2007 Crisis Pregnancy Centers.